She told me to be happy

Before she died, my grandmother gave me a very good piece of advice. She said that no matter what I do, somebody will always have a problem with it, so I should always try to do what makes me happy because I’m the one that matters. Like me, she always had a lot of trouble expressing her feelings and that very often made things in her life more difficult. In the end though, she found little ways to express it, even if it was just towards me. Ever since she passed away I’ve tried to live up to that advice, to do those things that make me happy and to not let one person’s disdain for my choices be the deciding factor. 

So this weekend I took a really big, scary step. I ended my long-time, long-distance relationship. I came to the realization that if I’m looking at moving on with something new, then what I’ve got now isn’t enough. I also realized that the relationship hadn’t been a priority for either of us in a long time. Sure, we went through the motions occasionally and planned the mandatory trips, but we only did the bare minimum. And we had only been doing the bare minimum for too long. The hardest part is letting go of the history. We’ve got five years of off-an-on history together and the biggest issue for me was letting that go. My closest friend reminded me that history doesn’t make a relationship, and she was right. History makes a past, it does not guarantee a future. So I ended it. I don’t even think it phased him. Honestly, I think he was half-expecting it. He didn’t fight it. He didn’t argue. He didn’t even ask why. I got a short, one-sentence reply and that was it. The end of our story.

I know that I made the right decision. What’s more is that I feel like this new possibility is something that I need to see through. It’s comfortable. Nothing is forced. But I couldn’t give it a fair chance until I resolved the other. Honestly, this could lead to something big or nothing at all, either way I feel like it’s where I should be. She told me do what makes me happy, and this new thing I’ve got going makes me happy. My son is happy, I’m happy… I think my grandmother would approve.

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