So basically, I’m an idiot

In an astounding display of what may end up being considered the worst decision making of 2013, I volunteered to coach my son’s t-ball team. Our choices were pretty limited. It was either volunteer or watch a whole team of kids get cut from the league, my son included. The guy who was going to coach had bailed and we were left hanging before the season even began. So I stepped up to the plate. (Ha! Puns!)

Before I knew it I had the coach form filled out and was getting a background check done by the local PD. Good news, everyone, I’m not a criminal. I didn’t get my team roster until Friday night when I picked up all of my gear. That’s also when I got the game/practice schedule. Guess what? Our first game is in a week. One week. I have a whopping two to three practices to squeeze in before we start playing against other teams and more than half of my kids have never even held a bat before.

Have I ever mentioned that I lack a certain amount of patience required for dealing with other people’s kids? Mine is used to it and mostly behaves within the realm of “mommy’s safety zone”. However, most other kids I’ve met I pretty much just want to throttle. Either their parents don’t discipline them, or they don’t listen, or they don’t listen to me, or they insist on being a walking disaster 24/7…. Basically, chances are that if I met you and your kid on the street, I’d severely dislike your offspring. …This is probably why I don’t have many other mom friends and don’t get asked for many play dates.

Anyway, now I’ve contacted 13 parents, had 2 cancel before the first practice, 2 not even respond, and 9 confirm that their kids are brand new to the sport. These kids don’t even know which way to run on the bases, let alone how to catch a ball. My son played last year and even he has trouble catching the ball sometimes… Unless it’s with his face, he’s good at catching it with his face… (definitely my kid…)

I also have no assistant coach and no team parent. I’ve asked for volunteers, but so far I’ve got a lot of “I don’t know the first thing about baseball” and absolutely zero “Sure! I’d love to help!” So I’m pretty much winging it on my own. Did I mention that this is also my first time coaching anything ever?

…This season is either going to suck hard or turn out awesome. Given my luck, I’m betting on the former.

Despite everything I’m going to give it my all and hope that I don’t screw myself with this because… did I mention that I’m also trying to wrap up the toughest of a three part chemistry series for college that I have to pass with a C or higher and I’m behind on the homework because I barely understand it and finals are in two weeks? So there’s that, too…. And work. And helping my parents move out of their house. And getting the house in order because I have a friend coming to visit the day after my final. And I need to get the people over to give me an estimate on my roof. And I have projects around the house to finish on my own.

….Basically, I’m a moron. A moron who people are trusting to teach their kids the basics of baseball.

…fuuuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkkk.

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